Making ends meet

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I am so torn.

On one hand I absolutely love being the one who takes our kids to school and that I am always there to pick them up, chat to their teachers and their friends. But working casually is not quite cutting it. I am now having to consider returning to full time work and having the kids in before and after school care. It is such a huge and difficult decision.

I have been actively looking for work now for over six months and have had so many rejections. Never in my life have I had an issue securing permanent employment. It has been so disheartening. Initially I was trying to get into the school environment so that I could feel like I was contributing to the world and the future generation but as my sister tells me I am too “fluffy” and no one appreciates it. Also I was seeking the flexibility of having majority of the school holidays home…. And after so many rejections I have taken a hit on the old self esteem and have it in my head that I would totally suck at being a teachers aide and therefore a teacher as well (since I was planning on going back to Uni next year to finish the next three years of that degree).

I have been at the local public school since my eldest started 3 and a half years ago, and while I have had many negative occurrences happen (my own fault and not related to the school as such) I have formed a few really great friendships with other parents and their families. Since my kids have started there I have helped on the fundraising team as well as sitting on the school council… but…

A lot of changes have happened at the school of late, and a few incidences have really began to put me off. Combine these issues with not being able to find suitable employment and Alan and I are left trying to decide what we do with our future.

Do we stay here in the house we purchased ten years ago?

  1. Which requires a lot of work and an extension. Thus money which we do not have.
  2. Do we leave the kids in substandard schooling in an environment which is neither enriching or entirely safe but where they have a couple of really good friends. And I have a great support network of other Mum’s and a Dad?
  3. We are open to moving them to a different school but it will not be within walking distance. And it uproots them from all they have known in a school environment, their friends and my supports.

Anything I do here is going to require: a job, and placing the kids into an out of hours program both before and after school and over the school holidays.

Do we sell our house and move? With two options here.

  1. We could purchase land 15 minutes from where we are and build a home. A lovely home with all that we need which would suit us until it was time to downsize. Which will allow us to leave the kids at their sporting clubs and in regular contact with the friends they already have. This option will leave us with a mortgage of similar size to what we have now. Alan could stay within his current position. And I could send our kids to a school which seems online and via discussion with current families to be completely amazing.
  2. We could move an hour and 20 minutes away and purchase a home slightly larger then what we have and we could own it outright. With money left over to purchase a caravan and have a small extended holiday around half of Australia. This option uproots the kids from all they know and have ever known. It will also mean that Alan and I have to find employment in a small country region where we don’t know anyone and the kids will need to form a complete set of new friends. But we would essentially be completely debt free.

I have been able to think of nothing else for about a month now and it is stressing me out.

Anyway. Working casually allows me the freedom and flexibility to be home and there for the kids whenever they need it. But it’s time now to be a contributing member of the household income and allow Alan to not have to accept so many jobs for the small business we run from home. This will hopefully allow us more time as a family on weekends too. I have an interview on Friday. Wish me luck.

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